“Lift every voice and sing” is NOT the National Anthem

A singer who was to perform the “Star Spangled Banner” at the presentation of Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper’s State of the City address yesterday substituted the “Black National Anthem” without notifying anyone, because she says as a black, she just doesn’t feel American

What’s missing in this story is whether she was being paid or not. If she was volunteer, then Denver got what they paid for. If not, they need to sue her for breach of contract. And If I were a club owner, I’d think twice before hiring somebody that unprofessional. This has nothing to do with “artistic expression”; it’s about not doing the job you were hired to do.

And don’t get me going on that “Black national anthem” thing. If black folks want to sing a song to embody their aspirations, that’s fine with me. But they aren’t a nation, they’re part of America. And if she doesn’t feel American, she should get her ass to Zimbabwe forthwith.

Lester Hooper, Susine-American

One of the Vampire State’s fine troopers didn’t have the reading skills to make it through George Hayduke, so he started writing tickets as an instrument of revenge.

NAMBLA infiltrates the candy industry

I been readin’ in the Right-Wing Media ’bout how the Homosexual Movement is taking over the country and corrupting our children. I didn’t want to believe it, but then I seen proof:

“Gummi lighthouses,” my ass.

“Head before 8, or else it’s too late.” You know this will be the brand the molester gives out.

My mom told of the spinster home ec teacher who taught her how to make a “Christmas salad” with half a banana, 2 canned peach halves, coconut and whipped cream. Yep, that was a candle too.

Gideon’s Koran

The Book of Signs Foundation has been distributing free Korans on doorsteps in Houston, which has some residents ticked off. I don’t see why; free is good, yeah? If you don’t want to read it, I suppose you could roll cigarettes in it, like in the Robert Service poem, “The Ballad of Salvation Bill”. I just have to wonder about just leaving Korans at the door like that. I’m sure there are Muslims out there who would consider that desecration.

LaTourette Syndrome strikes again

Every time this guy opens his mouth, I twitch and start swearing loudly.

His proposal: The “Commuter Relief and Fuel Efficiency Act of 2008,” which would reimburse commuters for up to 30 miles per day, round trip, five days a week.

The standard reimbursement would be 4 cents per mile, LaTourette’s office says, and vehicles that receive 35 miles per gallon would get 5 cents a mile — the equivalent of $1.75 off a gallon of gas (5 cents x 35 mpg).

Now, of course, this has nothing to do with the number of urban-sprawled constituents he has who need to commute to Cleveland. Nor does he discuss the bus riders, Amish buggy drivers, and farmers who will have to pay for this. Why does he feel he has to bribe us? This is worse than the “stimulus package”. (We finally got stimulated, and I’m going to put my Chinese money on a Korean car.)

Two who need to lose their badges

“Are you aware of a video and audio recording that completely contradicts what you have testified to today?”

With those words – and the presentation of the promised video recording – the defense attorney for a suspected Hollywood drug dealer successfully demonstrated that two police officers had lied on the stand in an apparent attempt to frame his client.

Read it. Bet the brown stains will be hard to get out of the uniforms… but they shouldn’t see much more use.

There’s something in the water

From Portland OR, one of the unsung armpits of lunacy in the US:

Two people caught skinny dipping in a Portland reservoir that is a main source of water for the city nearly caused officials to dump millions of gallons of water and close the facility.

‘Scuse me, but how much damage can two large animals do to millions of gallon of water, even if they peed in it? Don’t they treat the water in Portland? Do birds and beavers never crap in it? This smacks of something a parent tells a small child, exaggerating the consequences to scare the kid into never doing it again. “They were skinny-dipping” — as if bathing suits were a protection against fecal coliforms.

Yes, there’s something in the water, clearly. And I don’t think that dumping a whole reservoir will fix it.

Color this a victory: lead paint makers exonerated

Unlike the jury in the original case, the Rhode Island Supreme Court didn’t grow up eating paint chips:

The court, however, said the state’s lawsuit should have been dismissed at the outset. It said that while lead paint may be a public health problem, it was not the companies’ responsibility to clean it up because they, unlike landlords and homeowners, had no control over how the paint was used or if it was used in properties where children were poisoned.

Now, if we could convince the state of Ohio to quit eating its own (Sherwin-Williams) …

Sell RTA

With gas being so high, you’d think it would be a great opportunity for public transit, right? Well, not government public transit.

Philosophical rumination, grade school edition

I ate sugar-free cookies this weekend, with predictable results. Which led my darling wife to inquire, “We say ‘bless you!’ when somebody sneezes. Why don’t we do that when somebody farts?”

On one side, farting is just as much a health issue as sneezing; it’s symptomatic of dysbiosis, yeast and other digestive malfunctions, and “Gesundheit!” is perfectly appropriate. On the other, farts are generally easier to control/suppress than sneezes. But sometimes they sneak out in spite of best intentions, or the “one-cheek sneak” uh backfires. Farts smell, but sneezes aerosol millions of disease-causing bacteria, so why do farts get more social disapproval?

I don’t know…I’m just sayin’.  But maybe we should be saying “Bless you” in those crowded elevators.