A modest proposal for regime change in California

California is about $25B in the hole. They knew they were in deep shit, back when they were “only” $16B in debt, but unfortunately, they elected a girly-man as governor, and nothing got done.

Now, Assembly Speaker Karen Bass wants America to bail out California. The dextrosphere is predictably and rightly frothing at the mouth over this. But I think they’re missing out on a good opportunity to fix California’s problems, and many of the nations’ as well.

CA is basically saying that they’re bankrupt, right? OK, then we place them in receivership, administered by the Federal government. As part of the plan for paying off their debt, we restructure the company so it can no longer hemorrhage money. The first thing we do is fire the management, and bring in a new management team, from the states with the least fiscal difficulties.

Then we suspend their Constitution. We impose a new Constitution (we’ve done this before; we’ll get some Orange County conservatives and Libertarian small office-holders to help, so it looks like a native production). There will be a number of improvements. We’ll get rid of the referendum, since it’s only been a source of mischief for them. We’ll insist that the Governor must be a native-born American (both for Ahnold’s sake, and for Mexicans to come) Given that their most odious politicians are either women or women-wannabes, I’d like to abolish female suffrage, but we DO want to reintegrate them into the Union at some point, so I guess that’s out for Constitutional reasons. Since the Feds will be running the place, immigration law should be no problem. We’d probably keep the gay marriage ban in the Constitution..not that it’s great law, but just for the people it will piss off.

We’ll have to keep troops there for a decade or so, because there’s sure to be an insurgency of gays, socialists, and Mexican gang members. But it will take them awhile to get guns again, and if we can keep them from their lattes long enough, it will break their morale. This should boost military recruitment; what grunt wouldn’t want to serve in Cali? Nice weather, cute girls, great drugs…and a few of the natives even speak English.

Once the state is safe from democracy, we’d pull out the troops and let them govern themselves under their new, hard-to-amend Constitution. If civil order is established early enough, people will see what sort of prosperity is possible in a state without a bloodsucking political class. With that going for them, it might be 50 years instead of 25 before they revert to their old ways.