Here’s how to keep the toilet lid down

It wouldn’t do much for my aim though.

POW!

For years, Americans have wondered if it was Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock who was the legitimate heir to Richard Pryor’s comedy crown, but now it is clear that all three of them were doing little more than prepare the way for the greatest black comedian America will ever know: Barack H. Obama.

Roman Polanski and ACORN to create daycare chain

Via Ms. Cynthia Yockey, A Conservative Lesbian

QatD does not condone graffiti

…and we have in fact received a fair bit of flak for that position.

However, that said, this was well-played:

That’s Shepard Fairey’s art studio, BTW. Sorry I couldn’t get it on here directly; it just wasn’t working under the usual tags.

The lighter side of Endarkenment

…may be found at (The customer is) not always right, which Mr. Wm. J Beck III hipped me to. This particular post (from Australia) speaks volumes about our present society:

(Note: I work as a lifeguard at a beach.)

Beachgoer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Beachgoer: “I just got cut by a rock in the beach.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like to make a trip to first aid?”

Beachgoer: “No, I would like to complain.”

Me: “About what?”

Beachgoer: “You work at the beach, right? You should make sure the sea is safe enough to swim in!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t actually–”

Beachgoer: “Nonsense! You should make sure there are no rocks! I want to talk to your manager!”

(I call up my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Yes, what seems to be the problem?”

Beachgoer: “I want to complain about your staff.”

Supervisor: “Yes, what did they do?”

Beachgoer: “She told me she can’t clean the sea of rocks. What if I get another injury?”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not her fault that there are rocks in the sea. If you want, we can treat your cut in first aid?”

Beachgoer: “What kind of idiots are you? I want this beach cleaned! I am going to get the government on you! And I don’t want any stupid first aid, I am going to get you both arrested for my injury!”

(She storms off, but not before showing both of us a tiny scratch on her foot. The government never called.)

Bullseye!

Meat-free for Lent, too!

Thanks to Creative Minority Report.

Depression news

Yeah, I know, like you don’t get enough from the Lamestream media.

The McDonald’s From Hell (Euclid at E. 115th) has closed. Yes, I know, McDonald’s has been doing well. But note the sobriquet. It didn’t help that it had no drive-through, or that a bunch of better fast-fooderies have opened recently closer to the center of campus. But the real issue was the substandard service. They were hiring (and feeding) townies, not students, and the townies didn’t have much of a work ethic. And management wasn’t good at making sure that menu items were in stock,or at any other element of management for that matter. We can’t blame this one on the bursting of the Mother Of All Bubbles, but it didn’t help.

Down the road at the Food Co-op, there are changes. Deli hours have been shortened. There was a children’s play area, which now seems to be occupied by a woman selling jewelry. They are “phasing out” disposable bags of both sorts in favor of Einkaufstaschen that everyone will forget to bring when they need them — a decision which I suspect is economics masquerading as Green religion. Selection seems to be leaner, and prices are up. $2.39 for soft wheat berries? I can buy meat for less than that! Again, location and competition doesn’t help, with a Whole Foods in the Heights, and Wild Oats and Mustard Seed out where the money is.

On a brighter note, here’s an update of “The Monster Mash“. Not as good as it could be, but still cute.

L’Obama, ossia L’Avvento del Messia

Thanks to kishnevi, here’s the synopsis of an opera about our current political situation, much in the tradition of Macbird. I’m not sure who could actually write it now; for all his topicality, I’m sure John Adams wouldn’t touch it with a 10-foot pole, Calipinko that he is. It’s harder on the Democrats than the Republicans, though “Giovanni Maccheno” certainly gets it: “In a rambling, boring monologue sung in a monotone, he recites his brave history on the battlefield (“Si, fui soldato!”) and wonders why this was not enough to get him elected 30 years later.”

I particularly appreciate the Boris Gudonov steal.

Request for urgent business relationship

As the country slides into Third World-ness, the humor follows suit. Here’s a Nigerian scam letter “from” Sec, Paulsen.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

If we’re pissing away a trillion anyways, why don’t we give it to the Nigerians? They’ll make better use of it than the intended recipients.