These are the folks edumacating your kids.

“The teacher looked and me and said: ‘We have to tell you something. The educational assistant who works with Victoria went to see a psychic last night, and the psychic asked the educational assistant at that particular time if she works with a little girl by the name of “V.” And she said ‘yes, I do.’ And she said, ‘well, you need to know that that child is being sexually abused by a man between the ages of 23 and 26.’”

So of course they dropped a dime to Children’s Aid Society (Don’t get all smug because it happened in Canada.)

It was a relatively happy ending (no SWAT team visits like the US), but it could have been otherwise.

It’s in the stars

For what it’s worth (not much) major astrologers agree: we’re screwed in November:

Election Day – Nov. 4 – will put Saturn in opposition to Uranus, meaning the two planets are aligned at opposite ends of the zodiac. Saturn symbolizes experience and the establishment. Uranus is the planet of change and youth. When they are opposed, the country sees a period of “revolutionary fervor,” said Raymond Merriman, the panel’s moderator. The last Saturn-Uranus opposition was from 1965-67, a time of drastic cultural change.

Oh boy, just the part of history that I want to rerun.

Other astrological events during the summer make the election unpredictable. Democrats will gather in Denver for their national convention in August – the same month as a solar eclipse and a partial lunar eclipse.

The events raise the possibility of President Bush somehow interfering with the election, said Robert Hand of Reston, Va.

In fact, most of the astrologers on the panel weren’t sure if the winner of the election would be the same person taking the oath of office on Inauguration Day. Some of them expressed concern about Obama’s personal safety.

You know, I don’t need to run a chart to see any of this.