The Life of Julia

…because anyone can write bad political science fiction.

Age 3

Under President Romney: there’s no money for Head Start programs, because of the austerity program put in place after the economy collapses .  Julia stays at home, safe from roving Occupy gangs, and works with a government-sponsored free Head Start computer curriculum. Her unemployed mother stays home and teaches her when not gleaning corn fields and picking edible weeds, while her dad works at any job he can get.

Under President Obama: Julia is forcibly enrolled in a Head Start program to help get her ready for school. She’s a little moody; her teacher showed her how to play Lick The Banana, but he’s protected by the union, and she’s still in his class .  She was beaten by a flash mob that invaded the school playground, but thanks to Obamacare, her eye was saved.  Her partially-subsidized lunch only costs her mom $10,000,000.

Age 17

Under President Rand Paul: After the civil war and following constitutional convention, things are better than they’ve ever been in Julia’s lifetime, and she has sworn that she will never again let politicians run her life. She’s working summers to pay for training in computer repair. She’s engaged to a nice guy, Dan. They still can get birth control easily and inexpensively, but they haven’t done anything to require it.

Under President-for-life Obama: Julia is being sent to college for  computer engineering, because the Career Planning Center has decided that is the field that will be needed. Unfortunately, a planner dropped a zero in her calculations. Julia’s boyfriend got her pregnant and was relocated, and Obamacare mandated an abortion.

Age 29

Under President DeCoster: Julia and Dan got married. They have a computer design  start-up and have several patents between them.  Their oldest daughter, Julia Jr., just started at a modest private school (there are no more public schools), and Julia tutors the younger children.

Under Supreme Leader Sasha Obama: There are too many computer engineering graduates, and all private computer firms have left the country, so Julia is waiting for a government job. She’s thought about leaving the country, but all the borders have been secured. She’s on a watch list because she got mad at her benefits administrator and said “Jesus!”, which was just something her mom used to say…an old Spanish name or something.

Age 65

Under President Spooner Wolfe: Julia and Dan are still working; it would be boring to retire before you hit triple digits. They aren’t particularly well off, not like many people, but they’ve saved, and even though interest rates aren’t high, the competing free-market currencies have been so stable in value that they could retire now, if they wanted, in spite of the health crisis Julia had several years ago (due to environmental stresses from her childhood.) They’re expecting their first great-grandchild.

Under Emperor Sharpton III: It’s Julia’s Reincarnation Day at Holdren Clinic. The drugs they use (she has been told by The 99%, the council that administers Reincarnation Day) flood your body with the ultimate orgasmic pleasure. She regrets that she had no children; population has been thin, and maybe they could have solved the Social Security crisis some other way. But she’s thankful for her African ancestry; after the coup attempt by the detestable Rahm II, all white people were either killed or sold as slaves to China. They start the IV; Julia feels the most intense pain of her life, then nothing.


This one is probably more entertaining.


One Response to The Life of Julia

  1. Ed Darrell says:

    Sort of like reading Ayn Rand fiction — satisfying to talk about red meat, but divorced from reality.

    Why not discuss real policy issues? Is it likely that the U.S. will experience what every other economy on Earth did, and find that health-care cost inflation dramatically decreases when everyone has access? Will that allow the U.S. to reduce health care costs, which are now double what every other nation pays, per capita, even though the U.S. fails to give access to one out of every seven people? What makes anyone think that extending tax cuts to the rich will do anything other than what happened under Bush — the nearly complete stall of economic growth (1 million new private sector jobs in eight years, the lowest growth rate in history, ending in collapse of housing and other investment bubbles driven by a surplus of money in the hands of financiers)?

    Is it reasonable to claim that extra watts generated by non-fossil-fuel sources really don’t count in increasing our nation’s energy security?

    There are serious issues here, with real consequences, and real data. Why would anybody bother with wholly made up stuff that in no way reflects reality?

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